A Final Fantasy Thanksgiving
by Diathorn
Summary: A look into the holiday gatherings of various Final Fantasy character's thanksgiving dinners.
1. Ch 1

Welcome to a Final Fantasy Thanksgiving! Through the use of hidden listening devices, I can bring you what almost every FF character is thankful for. While who is in no particular order, I still think I shall follow the traditional order of VII, VIII, IX, X and X-2. I don't own of these characters nor any others from the following chapters. They all belong to Square Enix. Very depressing.  
  
FF VII  
  
Cloud: Do I have to do this?  
  
Aeris: Yes. It's tradition.  
  
Cloud: I've never heard of it.  
  
Aeris: Just do it!  
  
Cloud: Fine, you asked for it. I'm thankful for the opportunity to have helped save the planet, bring world peace, defeat my archenemy Sephiroth, and to learn to crochet. Guess what you all are getting for Christmas?  
  
All: *Groan*  
  
Cid: I'm thankful for the twelve-step program that's helped me to stop constantly swearing. And... oh $(^*& it! Give some of that %@*^#% turkey right now!  
  
Tifa (with lisp): I'm thankful fors all the nice things that's going on. And that I love Cloud! There I say it. (Falls to the ground in a drunken stupor.)  
  
Yuffie: What happened?  
  
Aeris: I think Tifa brought her own supply of drinks. She does work in a bar.  
  
Barret: I'm thankful for ma' daughter Marlene and for the fall of Shin Ra, the rat bastards.  
  
Reeve: *Cough* *Cough*  
  
Barret: Wha's the matter? Gotta cold?  
  
Reeve: I'll go next. I'm thankful for the end of stupid terrorist activity against the hardworking individuals at Shin Ra.  
  
Barret: Got something to say, cat face?  
  
Reeve: Like you couldn't guess?  
  
Barret: I promised not to cause mayhem. So go get some medicine for ya cough.  
  
Aeris: Stop it you two. I'm thankful for having traveled the world, meeting people, seeing new places and realizing my potential as a Cetra. Thank you everyone.  
  
Red XIII: I'm thankful for the support I've found in my friends to help me get over my grandfather's passing. I cannot thank you enough.  
  
Yuffie: Me next! I'm thankful for having met all of you.  
  
Cid: Us and our $)(!#load of Materia!  
  
Yuffie: Damn straight!  
  
Sephiroth: I'll take my turn now. I'm thankful that I could realize the error of my ways and the phenomenal love of Chocobos that I now posses. You go to Gold Saucer? The Chocobo races kick ass!  
  
Yuffie: Who invited Sephy?  
  
Cloud: I think Aeris did. Forgive and forget I guess.  
  
Vincent: Last as always. I'm thankful for spending time with such warm and loving friends as you.  
  
Yuffie: Vincent? You alright?  
  
Vincent: Alright? I'm better than alright! I'm wonderful! I'm on top of the world! (Vincent smiles)  
  
Yuffie: Oh my gawd! Vincent's gone insane, run for it!  
  
Five minutes and a complete evacuation of the building later.  
  
Yuffie: I'd told you this would work.  
  
Vincent: Remember, I get half of everything.  
  
Yuffie: Yeah, yeah. Now stop smiling! It creeps me out.  
  
Vincent leans in closer to Yuffie.  
  
Yuffie: W-what? What is it? Something on my face?  
  
Vincent: Maybe.  
  
Vincent leans in even closer and gives Yuffie a little kiss on the cheek.  
  
Vincent: Now there is.  
  
Yuffie exits, yelling and screaming.  
  
Vincent: Ah, there. What I have to go through for a peaceful holiday by myself. 


	2. Ch 2

Second chapter. Hope you save room for the main course.  
  
FF VIII  
  
Squall: Everyone's here. Now before we start eating.  
  
Zell: Awww!  
  
Squall: Quiet you. We're all going to stand up and say what we're thankful for.  
  
Zell: Why?  
  
Squall: Because we can.  
  
Zell: You are so lucky there aren't any hot dogs here or I would so bring the house down, old-school style!  
  
Squall: Sure, if I let you. I'll go first.  
  
Zell: I'll save you some time. You're thankful for Rinoa. Rinoa, you're thankful for Angelo, Timber's freedom and then Squall. As for me, I'm glad I saved myself five more minutes than necessary to start eating. Next!  
  
Rinoa: I don't think that's how it goes.  
  
Zell: I said 'next'!  
  
Quistus: I'm thankful for still having my job, my confidence and all my friends.  
  
Selphie: What's the matter Quisty?  
  
Quistus: My constant inability to get a raise or a good performance review, my difficulty in sharing my feelings, and the fact that my glasses keep breaking.  
  
Zell: I didn't ask to hear your life story. Next!  
  
Quistus: I am not having a good day and I do not need you to make things worse. So shut up or else! *Whipcrack*  
  
Zell: Yessir!  
  
Irvine: I'm thankful for all the beautiful women in the world.  
  
Selphie: *Cough*  
  
Irvine: But I'm not nearly as thankful for the one sitting right next to me.  
  
Selphie: You saved yourself from the couch tonight cowboy.  
  
Selphie: I'm thankful for all my friends and classmates for all the help they've done on the school festival. Next year it's going to be even better. I just need to get a few Ultima spells and summon a couple GFs and it'll be a blast!  
  
Irvine: Uh, anyone want to say anything?  
  
Kiros: I think I'm thankful for all the good I've been able to do over the years. And Laguna? You have a call from Esthar. Classified: Pizza delivery.  
  
Laguna: 'Pizza delivery'? That's important! Gotta go!  
  
Exit Laguna.  
  
Squall: 'Pizza delivery?'  
  
Kiros: It means only related to his personal life. It allows him to ignore everything else.  
  
Ward: ...  
  
Kiros: I believe Ward wants to say what he's thankful for.  
  
Ward: ...  
  
Ward: ...  
  
Kiros: Ward either says he's thankful for meeting all his friends and everything that's happened in his life, good and bad, or he's proposing marriage to the turkey.  
  
Ward (sounding electronic): I'm also glad I bought a voice synthesizer.  
  
Kiros: Now I'm out of a job.  
  
Squall: I think that's everyone. I suppose we can start eating.  
  
Zell: Yes!  
  
Rinoa: We forgot Laguna.  
  
Zell: Shut up!  
  
Enter Laguna.  
  
Laguna: I know what I'm thankful for! I found out I have a son!  
  
Kiros: What? How'd the hell you pull that off in Esthar? I had a security team in place just to prevent that.  
  
Laguna: I wondered about that. But this was before Esthar.  
  
Squall: So who is it?  
  
Mute silence.  
  
Squall: Laguna? Why are you looking at me? 


	3. Ch 3

Still don't own anything. Still depressed about it.  
  
IX  
  
Zidane: Let's start off Thanksgiving with what we're all thankful for. Any complaints?  
  
Quina: Quina hungry!  
  
Zidane: Just wait for once. I'm thankful for becoming the greatest thief of all time, by stealing the heart of my beloved Dagger.  
  
Dagger: Oh you.  
  
Freya: I'm thankful for being reunited with my Fratley.  
  
Zidane: Where is he anyway?  
  
Freya: Restoring Bermecia. And pussyfooting around about asking to marry me.  
  
Dagger: Good luck. I'm sure you two will be very happy.  
  
Eiko: I'm thankful for Zidane eating my cooking, which Quina helped on. And for never being alone again.  
  
Cid: I'm thankful for still being human.  
  
Hilda: I'm thankful I haven't had to turn him into anything.  
  
Zidane: Marital bliss. Is there any such thing?  
  
Dagger: I'm thankful for marrying Zidane. And getting a consort.  
  
Zidane: Consort? Who's that?  
  
Dagger: You. What? You thought you marry me and become king? Not how a monarchy works monkey-boy.  
  
Kuja: I protest the use of 'monkey' in my presence. I'm thankful for at least getting rid of the stupid, ugly, and self-righteous Garland! I'd kill him again if I had the chance!  
  
Eiko: I thought he died.  
  
Steiner: Does it matter?  
  
Steiner: I am thankful for the preservation of peace in the world, the Mist continent and Alexandria. Also my impending nuptials with Beatrix.  
  
Amarant: I'm thankful for being shown the errors of my way. And finding that special someone. Don't ask.  
  
Vivi: I, um, I'm thankful for finding out about myself, however painful it was. I'm glad this will be one of my memories to share with everyone I care about.  
  
Quina: Quina thankful is all over. Quina could care less 'bout who love who and what they thankful for. Quina hungry! Eat now! 


	4. Ch 4

Do to the real lack of viable characters to choose from FFX and FFX-2, I'll just group them together. Hey, trivia time! Do you think that X-2 stands for (Twelve?) or (Ten two?). I think it's ten-two. Some guy said it was "really" Final Fantasy XII, despite the Roman numerals system. Give me your answer along with your reviews please.  
  
FFX  
  
Tidus: Come on everybody! We'd do this all the time in Zanarkand.  
  
Wakk: We're not in Zanarkand, are we, ya?  
  
Tidus: *Tch* Then it'll be a Spira tradition! I'm thankful for finding out about my story and everything, and everyone, in it. Thanks Yuna.  
  
Auron: I'm thankful I have fulfilled my promises to Jecht and Braska. Now I can rest in peace.  
  
Tidus: 'Rest in peace?' I get it! Hahahahahaha!  
  
Auron: Hmm? I suppose it is funny.  
  
Wakka: I'm thankful I got the Aurochs the championship trophy, ya?  
  
Lulu: At least I'm thankful for having a spouse, yes Wakka?  
  
Wakka: Right Lu.  
  
Rikku: Well I'm thankful I'll never have to clean my room at Home again because some bald idiot decided to blow it up!  
  
Cid: Well I'm thankful I don't have to deal with a sarcastic kid like you all the time.  
  
Kimahri: Kimahri thankful for friends. Like a new family.  
  
Jecht: Don't know about the rest of you punks, but I'm thankful for being able to listen to the Hymn of the Fayth whenever I want to. It just plain kicks ass!  
  
Seymour: I am thankful for finally finding a place I can belong.  
  
Yuna: The Farplane?  
  
Seymour: Heavens no. They kicked me out. I meant another place of eternal rest and quiet, a place where nothing seems to ever change.  
  
Yuna: Where?  
  
Seymour: The Department of Motor Vehicles.  
  
FFX-2  
  
One last thing. Whenever you play FF X-2, just try not to think about Charlie's Angels. It's very creepy.  
  
Yuna: I'm carrying this tradition over for him. I'm thankful I saw that sphere. It's really allowed me to grow as an individual.  
  
Rikku: I'm thankful I can spend time doing what I love. Stealing fortunes from idiots!  
  
Paine (facetiously): I'm thankful for spending all my time with a oddball crew in which I make only the small percentage of almost all of the talent.  
  
Rikku: Are you being sarcastic?  
  
Paine: No, facetious.  
  
Rikku: As long as you're not being sarcastic.  
  
Shinra: I'm thankful for all the info those three get me. It's very helpful for my projects.  
  
Brother: I is very thankful for Yuna's choice of outfit. Frahajan E drehg ypuid ed, E kad y hicapmaat.  
  
Yuna: What did he say?  
  
Rikku: You don't want to know. Sicko.  
  
That's it everyone. Before I forget, I can't actually speak Al Behd, but I found a translator so I can write it for this sort of thing. It can be found at GameFAQ.com, under the FFX's guide section, to those unfimilar with GameFAQ. So if you want to figure out what Brother said, you'll have to check it out, or be a master of Al Behd already. Either way, happy holidays to all it may concern and to the rest anyway. 


End file.
